It’s a brand-new day in a new year.
Today it’s the first of January of 2024, and as tradition on this day, I sit down and reflect on the year past.
2023 is a year I will always remember, for many reasons.
Love
The 10th of January last year, I meet the love of my life.
My best friend, and partner.
It started out as a deep meaningful friendship and soon blossomed into something I could never have predicted.
Meeting him, changed my world upside down, and I started to dream about things I could never have imagined myself ever wanting.
I found myself very quickly dreaming big about having kids with him, living one day in a house together, and growing old together.
I knew it was a little fast, but it didn’t feel scary or unnaturally fast. It just felt right.
Like suddenly nothing else made sense but this did.
I guess that’s what it feels like when you meet that guy who just turns your world upside down.
What I realised as well, to my surprise.
I never lost myself, not one bit, like I had in previous relationships.
I found parts of myself that had been hidden away.
I found strength in myself like never before.
I finally found a person who I can be completely myself with, and more, and I never expected I could find this.
Loss
A year isn’t just going to be rainbow and unicorns, eventually the storm of the year hits, and it hit me twice this year.
I lost my dad unexpectantly in august. He died after we had a big fight, and it was never resolved.
Losing him that way, not haven gotten a chance to sort it out, it hurt.
For months I was angry, sad, and felt guilt and shame, but I also learned something I didn’t expect to learn.
Before I lost my dad, I had always been so scared of death.
Of losing my parents.
I always imagined I would completely crack from it.
That I would sink into a depression like never before.
Instead in my sorrow, I didn’t hit the ground.
I started to remember memories that I thought was lost, and I felt closer to my dad than I have ever felt.
I felt him with me every day, and I remembered old, cherished memories every day, that I previously had forgotten.
I realised yes death hurts, but you don’t really lose your loved ones completely.
As long as you hold onto them in your heart.
Cherish the memories.
I got to honour my dad in my own way.
I played a game he always wanted us to play together, in his honour, and when I completed the game, I send a little thought out there “This is for you Dad”.
I also made a vow to myself to live my life in a way that he would feel proud of, taking what he thought me as a little girl to heart.
To always remain curious, and never lose hope when trying to follow my dreams.
I also lost something else this year.
I got pregnant two months after my dad passed, and sadly lost it at 8 weeks pregnant.
It was a tough time, both dealing with the loss of my dad and my unborn baby at the same time, and again I thought this is it, this is where I crack.
I didn’t.
Yes, I cried, and I was angry and having to deal with a rollercoaster of emotions, but these last years has thought me to not think of the bad, but feel grateful for the good, on my darkest days.
And grateful I felt.
I was grateful for having gotten pregnant in the first place, after only 2 months of trying at an age of 38 years old.
I felt grateful for my boyfriend, my friends and family’s support.
I knew deep within my heart, that no matter what happens I will be okay.
I knew that one day again I would get pregnant again and carry it to term.
I remained hopeful.
And having hope is properly the thing I feel most grateful for.
Having hope is what makes me smile at the end of the day.
The months of experiencing loss, didn’t break me, I only felt myself grow in strength and love.
Family.
For years I have only been close to my mom and my daughter.
With most of my family living far away, and some of them being distant, I always wished for a bigger family.
I am really close with my mother and my daughter, and I am so grateful for that, but every Christmas coming I felt a little bit sad.
Wishing for more.
And after my Boyfriend came into my life, I have gotten an extended family.
His family.
Who I love just as much as my own.
I was embraced quickly with love and support, and this year we celebrated Christmas together.
My entire family, and It’s been the best Christmas ever.
My internal December Scrooge never showed its face this year, I just felt love and joy.
I finally started to understand what Christmas is really about.
Its not the gifts, the food, its all about being together with the people you love in life.
My friends are just as much my family as well.
And I will never forget this lesson.
So, 2023 taught me more then I could have ever imagined it possible.
I didn’t expect the year of 2023 to have brought so much change into my world, but I am eternally grateful it did.
Now I’m thinking of what I want 2024 to look like.
And while writing this I find myself smiling.
I can’t wait to see what this entire new year will bring.
Both ups and downs.
If it gives me just half of what I experienced in 2023 I know it will be a great year.
I’m ready.
What I want to focus on this year is to continue to work on myself.
Get myself mentally ready to get back to school.
I want a degree, and to work with mental health in a few years.
I want to continue to work on my You tube channel, that for months I’ve neglected.
I want to finish my website.
I want to continue to keep my healthy habits, so on this day I am starting my 10000 steps challenge again.
100 days of 10000 steps.
3rd time is the charm.
Most importantly, I want to keep reminding myself, every day, that I can do whatever I set my mind into.
I want to continue to have faith in myself, and to never give up on my dreams, and goals.
Even when at times I am meet with resistance and doubts from the world around me.
If I believe that’s all that matters.
So, note to self.
When 2025 hits, read this post again and reflect.
Thx for reading ❤
What is your wish for 2024?
And what do you remember the most from 2023?
What did you learn the previous year?
I hope you have an amazing year.
MissFaylyn out…
Missfaylyn 