Everything really is possible with these small steps

I have so much to write about, I have no idea how I can possibly fit it into a blog post.

I have no idea where to begin, how I can describe in good enough detail how I am feeling and thinking.

I am absolutely in awe of how life feels right now.

I see nothing but beauty, possibilities, and hope.

A strength I’ve never felt so strong before.

A feeling of everything will be okay, and better than I could have ever imagined.

I’m getting so close.

So close to that impossible dream

Not my You Tube dream, that I’m still working on

No, this dream is much bigger.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been living on wellfare most of my life, and I was often advised from everyone in my life, and the government, that maybe it was time to retire.

I almost agreed to this 8 years ago.

Because at that time, I had lost hope.

At that time, I was desperate enough to try any job, it didn’t matter what I did, I just didn’t want to be unemployed with no purpose to waking up too.

Having no purpose followed me through all my life.

And I hated that feeling.

It wasn’t because I didn’t dream or had no desire to do anything with my life, but my confidence and self-worth in myself was so low, that every time I dared to dream, I quickly shot that thought down, because I felt so broken.

Broken by my past, broken from feeling so much all the time.

I never understood why I found everything so difficult.

My life was a constant failure, everything I tried or pushed myself to do, ended up being another burnout, another failure.

So, I lost hope

Lost hope for a better tomorrow, for ever getting out of the system.

Every time I had to talk to social workers or walk up to that horrible building where my meetings where at, I felt myself shaking.

I got that familiar feeling of intense fear, and felt anger rising at myself the world even the state, crippling my steps, crippling my mind.

I felt so small, so unseen and so worthless every time I talked to a social worker.

Despite them trying to inspire me, and give me hope, all my failures made it so hard to see the way forward.

And I felt the constant pressure of time running out.
I got older and worse with every year.

but something changed last year.

Before last year I went through small steps towards healing my past, healing my trauma, my pain, and I was feeling a lot better than I had in the past.

I wanted to change, more then anything I’ve ever wanted before.

I wanted to get up with a feeling that I was capable of so much more.

That I could be so much more then just unemployed.

Being good at gaming wasn’t enough anymore.

Being a good loving person wasn’t enough anymore.

I started to slowly play with the idea of making You tube videos my dream, and the goal to work towards, and this dream only grew in strength.

But I also knew within myself, that If I really worked on becoming a content creator one day, I had to sort my life first.

I didn’t want to get there, still feeling scared, overwhelmed doing small things like shopping or groceries, or feeling too independent on my mom to help me with the smallest task that every grown person does naturally.

• Paying bills
• Talking with banks, strangers
• Washing clothes
• Cleaning
• Grocery shopping
• Cooking
• And so much more

I had a hard time finding the energy for any of that. I also never realised that just washing my clothes felt so intensely scary to me.

Every time I wanted to try and wash my own clothes, I was suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts like.

“If I wash my clothes, ill make it all pink or destroy the fabric”.

“What if I, being so clumsy as I am, electrocute myself or destroy the washing machine”.

“I can’t even maintain a normal daily life, so why do I think I can manage washing my own clothes?”

I felt extremely confident in the gaming world, but when it came to a small task like washing my clothes, I felt a lot of anxiety about it, so I did what I learned best in those situations, and that was to avoid doing it all together.

But in avoiding it, I also robbed myself from feeling independent.

And having that feeling now, I cherish it so much.

Independance

Today after having worked extremely hard on myself this year, I feel so confident, and true independence.

I know I can handle anything that comes my way.

Every small task I was so scared of before.

I know that when I live alone Ill handle everything with grace and strength.

Because I understand the steps, I have to take to do things that are hard.

I understand that if one day I make a mistake, that its okay, it’s just an opportunity for experience and growth.

Yes, so what if I turn my clothes pink?

Ill just learn a valuable lesson and try again.

“I’ve been washing my own clothes for months now, and I’ve never made it pink yet, but I realised that this small task, has already given me so much joy”.

And I feel the same with every day-to-day task that I do now.

I understand the value of the small things better now.

And by working so much in the small, I have realised I can use the same steps on the much harder challenges facing my way.

If I remember the same steps, I took to get to a place where I could wash my own clothes.

And that is why I for the first time see my big dream so close to me.

Its no longer unbelievable but so close.

I know that I can do great things with my life.

I know that I’m no longer going to trap myself into a

“I can’t do it mindset”.

Instead, I embrace the steps I’ve learned to don’t think just do mindset I have practised.

My steps for doing anything in life is this, doesn’t matter if its washing my own clothes or ifs its making a new You Tube video

• Set a goal to do it and start with the first small step.
• Learn (Gather information, read, ask for advise, YT videos, skillshare, everything that might help you know more about the task at hand)
• Take the first active step, even if its just as small as sorting my own clothes into small groups, or starting on a script, writing ideas down or a video)
• Feel (how does it feel? Does it feel scary? What thoughts do I have, having done this one step, sit down and write it down if I find the need to, reflect on it. Write it as I write a blogpost, write how I feel but try and find a positive outlook to it.

Example on this: I’m scared I turn my clothes pink = yes you might turn your clothes pink but its okay to make mistakes. Remember you are MissFaylyn you celebrate your failures, because you understand with experience that it only leads to growth and more experience, and every time you practise you get better and faster at a task = proof, my gaming experience, and my YT videos.

That’s how I internalise how I feel, and after I do this, with the same outlook as the example above, every task feels a lot less scary, because I allow myself to fail and see it as a positive thing instead of something that’s bad.

• Take the next step – and the next. If I need to go back to the feel step and realise it’s okay to take a step back. Now that I’m working on this task = Challenge, I know that I have committed myself to be on this path. In taking the first step with intent, its easier to continue, as long as I remember small steps, not look at the big picture too soon, get too impatient in reaching the end goal.
• Now its time to practise, learn more, get better, faster at this task, and slowly implement it into my day, week, month. Some of the things I work on, is more important than others. Like calling the bank is not as needed as washing my clothes is on a weekly basis. Recognizing what’s important now, to what’s important later has helped me a great deal in relaxing more, so I don’t feel so overwhelmed that I have to do everything right now. Some things can wait until tomorrow, but I should never push it back too far. So, I make sure to put everything I want, need, and have planned into my schedule for the month, and if I notice I push washing my clothes, I keep a deadline, so it gets done, same with everything else in my life, so I don’t end up in the mindset off “Ill do it later and then never do it”.
• The last step is the most important step of them all and it is Recognize why this task was so important in the first place, notice what you learned, what feeling it gave you, what your thoughts are now on this difficult task. Did it add positives into your life or is there a feeling of something negative – if positive celebrate it, be proud, you did it, add it to the pool of small success moments, if negative, recognize its okay to go back, work more with the feelings of it, and maybe take a different path to doing the same task. Maybe add in things can help make it more positive experience.

Doing these steps in everything I do has helped me tremendously on my path to change.

I no longer feel something is to impossible, but I see a way where I make everything possible.

It gives me hope that there is no limit to the sky. That I really can do what ever I set my mind too.

I can be succesful

I can be great at what I do

Aslong as I just start and work on things I want in my life and not hold myself back with fear.

and most importanly never rush any of my steps.

In my past the reason why I failed and found everything so challenging, is because I forced myself to do everything too quickly, and if I didnt do it perfectly every time, I would see it as a fail and instead of trying again I just gave up.

It was easier to not try but it only made me feel worse over time, for not trying, for giving up.

Because everytime I gave up on a task I really wanted to learn or do, I lost more faith in myself, and put feelings of shame, and guilt into that mix…

I couldnt fit everythingt thing I wanted to write about so ill have to do it in more blogposts soon.

I experience so many moments of change, and lifechanging lightbulb moments at the moment, that it has been hard to find the time to put it all into words.

what I can say though is that my life today and this entire year, has given me a feeling of a deep feeling of hope, of strenght, of love.

I went from being a girl with so little in my life, and I have now found love, deep connection, amazing friends.

My family life has never been better.

My confidence and selfworth has never felt so safe, and strong, especially my selfworth.

Like its made from the strongest diamant, and that is a feeling I have never had before.

That no matter what happens in my future, I just know with every fiber of my being that I will be okay.

I have committed myself to myself, my life and my dreams, and I feel the impact of the choice, in everything that I do.

and have also discovered so many sides to myself that leave me lost for words.

My world no longer feels too difficult to live in but instead a world of love, magic and where everything is possible.

I have never been prouder to be MissFaylyn as I feel today.

If you find anything in your life has been to hard, too scary, dont give up. remember its okay to take a step back, dont beat yourself up, but instead trust yourself that in time you will get there.

Its always worth trying even if it might not look like it when you set out to do a task at first.

Some things are harder then others, and some take a lot of time, even years to work through, and its okay if you remember that you are already commited to the journey when you in your mind say that you want to do it, to try it, to satisfy your curiousity, to change.

Aslong as you think it, you are on that path to doing it and eventually add it to the small success piles in your life

But remember dont beat yourself up when you fail, failing is something I myself cherish now more then my succes stories. It was the failues that taught me more about myself, my own strenght, my capabilities, and my resolve, or how to find a new and better way though the things that are difficult.

MissFaylyn out

have a magical day

keep failing, keep succeding, and most importantly keep smiling.

I believe you can do anything you set your mind and heart too, we are so much stronger and capable then what we might think we are at times, as long as you never give up and keeping moving forward.