Finding my Purpose and how much I Changed because of it.

When I was 18, I dreamed big.

I dreamed of writing books.

I dreamed of going to university, having a degree in something.

I dreamed of having a career, and a family one day.

Of having my very own house and live a life that most people do.

10 years later when I turned 28, I realised that this dream was something I could never achieve.

At this point, I lived a life in fear.

I struggled with anything that looked like routine.

I had trouble sleeping and found myself being awake in the early mornings and sleeping too long until late afternoon.

I ate too much junk food, and my health was declining.

I was afraid of going to the grocery shop to buy food and struggled to go to any state appointments.

The state wanted to retire me early, and I was at this point contemplating if I should.

I had no hope of getting better.

A part of me didn’t want too.

I had no purpose, no dreams left.

I just wanted to be left in peace.

Alone to my own devices.

And just sleep, eat, play online games, and repeat.

Everything felt like a struggle.

So why keep trying?

I was content living this way.

At least this way of living didn’t make me feel scared.

The things I feared doing had piled up to be a long list.

I couldn’t go shopping alone.

I couldn’t talk to strangers in the phone.

I couldn’t go down and wash my clothes in the basement.

I couldn’t go outside alone.

I couldn’t do anything that looked like routine.

I still had issues sleeping at the same time every day.

I struggled to find energy to cook or clean every day.

I struggled to do anything that resembled a normal life.

So, what was the point in trying to work a normal job, to have a career and follow my dreams?

I had no purpose.

I just lived.

Then something changed.

A few years ago.

Almost 4 years now.

I woke up one morning and I found the strength to make my own website and start a blog post.

I found the strength to stream my games and found a love for video editing.

This gave me purpose.

It gave me hope.

Hope that one day maybe I could follow my dreams and be something more.

Than just live a life in fear and discomfort.

Maybe I could one day support myself and be able to achieve what I put my mind too.

Waking up every morning today, I feel a sense of purpose.

I have something to wake up too.

I have a lot of dreams today, and they fuel me with a strength I never thought I had in me.

The last year alone, has proven to me that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought possible.

I have changed my life drastically this year alone, and I couldn’t have done it without having my dreams to fuel me.

Everything I do today is for the purpose of my dreams.

Every fight I fight internally and externally is for my dreams.

Every massive life change I go through is for my dreams.

And I do it with a smile.

I have faith now, that I didn’t have before.

That the struggle of my past is behind me, and that a brighter future awaits.

I have come to realise that this is what I was missing when I was in my 20ies.

Purpose.

A reason to get up in the morning

A reason to keep fighting.

By having a sense of purpose, it made it easier for me to do the necessary work on myself.

To face my fears, to overcome obstacles, and even face sides of myself that used to fill me with dread.

Being brave enough to face my past and deal with my fears.

Being brave enough to see my shadow sides and work on them.

Turn them into something else.

To find a way around the things I find hard, instead of just giving up.

Its all for the sake of my dreams.

This realisation that it was what I was missing, gave me a newfound hope.

To keep dreaming big, and to keep moving forward towards my dreams.

Because in a few years I’m confident enough to say that I will no longer be on welfare.

I now see a way out.

I now see me for me.

A person who has great potential.

A person of great strength.

I’ve changed

A lot

And I couldn’t have done this if it weren’t for me being brave enough to start this blog.

To start dreaming big and taking one small step at a time towards this.

So, what is my dream?

I want to inspire, to make someone smile, to make someone laugh.

It’s that simple.

And I attempt to do this when I write, when I stream, when I make my videos.

I have already done what I never in my wildest dreams thought possible.

I have managed to write posts that you all read.

And when I receive a notification that you have liked one of my posts, it fuels me with strength to keep working.

To keep dreaming, to continue.

And this is the greatest gift you give me.

A reason to wake up in the morning.

Purpose.

To write more posts.

To share my story, my fight, and my thoughts.

I have now hit my sub goal for the year.

75 followers and my heart swells with pride.

I did something I never thought possible 10 years ago.

I’ve always wanted to write, but I didn’t believe I had anything important to write about.

I didn’t believe I could manage to write something good, and I felt too scared to try.

I am happy that I was brave enough to try 3 years ago.

I started blogging for myself.

So, I could remember past lessons, and remind myself of the struggles I had overcome.

My greatest hope was that maybe one person would stumble upon my writings and find some inspiration in it.

I never ever thought it possible that I would have followers who like my post every time I write.

So, I thank you ❤

I thank you with all my heart for proving to me that I am capable of so much more.

The year of 2023 is going to be a great year.

I have plans to start a new you tube channel and continue to grow and expand this website and blog.

I am in the middle of rebranding since Ive gone through massive life changes, and I have a more clear direction of how I can achieve my simple dream to inspire, to make someone laugh and to make sameone smile.

How much I changed by having purpose in my life

I am proud to say that I no longer feel fear of going outside.

I no longer have issues with creating a routine.

I sleep better

I eat healhier

I exersice.

I face my past fears and found that most of them are in the past now.

And I wouldnt have been able to do this, to achieve this, without my sense of purpose.

Being able to dream big gave me the strenght I needed to face and fight for a better and healthier tomorrow.

I still have a lot to fight through, a lot to work on and I will write about it every step of the way.

I will write about my stuggles, of my victories, of my failues, and everything I learn every step of the way.

Thank you for reading this post ❤

Never give up on your dreams, even if they seem to far out of reach.

May you have the best december morning, afternoon, evening, and may 2023 be the best year yet for you ❤

MissFaylyn out