The 3 Voices

Today I want to dive deeper into my own head.

To the voices I hear, and I am not talking about hearing voices, but how I talk to myself.

And to do this, I will start with a little story, to best explain it.

You all know by now, that I love my stories.

Lets begin

Faydra had a question and she needed it answered.

The only thing she could do was go into the deep forest, find the 3 wise men, and hope they would help her with the answer she desperately needed.

She was tired of lying awake at night.

Tired of thinking about the same question over and over and over again.

Was she ready for love?

She was standing right where the Forrest started.

Behind her a clear road back to the city.

Ahead of her the forest full of life.

Green leaves

Rays from the sun lighting up the entire forest, almost making it look magical.

Faydra took a step forward.

She felt the ground under her feet, small branches breaking under her shoes.

She started walking at a fast pace, confident that she would soon find the answer she needed.

Birds singing, it was a beautiful day.

Suddenly she heard a child laughing.

It was coming from behind that tree.

She stepped towards it, a first hesitantly, but then realised, could it be?

“Hello, are you the wise one I need?” Faydra asked in a confident voice

“Tihihihi…Heeeeeeey. Its so good to finally meet THE Faydra” The child answered and stepped forward, smiling from head to toe.

Faydra looked down shocked.

She was looking at herself as a child.

How could this be?

“Are you the one I am seeking to help me answer my question?”

“Yes of course I am, what can I help you with, oh Divine goddess of kindness, beauty, and intellect” the child answered

Faydra frowned. What was this?

A bit sceptic that she found the right one to help her, she asked her question.

“Oh wise little one, am I ready for love?”

The child giggled and a stream of words followed.

“Of course, you are, who wouldn’t want to be with such a beauty. Anyone would be lucky to have you. You are sooo amazing, so smart, so kind. You deserve the best, in fact you deserve a king, who can treat you like the goddess you are, and if someone doesn’t treat you well then, its their loss. You have always been ready for love, its just the ones you found weren’t deserving of you”

Faydra blushed, feeling the confident words wash over her.

It was nice, but also felt wrong.

Something was wrong

This was not the voice she was seeking.

The was the voice of confidence.

Nice in the present, but forever fleeting.

Faydra smiled and thanked the child version of herself.

Was she really this naïve as a child? Faydra pondered while walking through the forest again to find the other voice to help her in her quest for the truth.

So deep in thought Faydra didn’t notice the forest changing.

The forest turned darker and gloomier by the second.

The wind picked up, howling in the trees.

The sun no longer high in the sky.

It was night now.

Faydra snapped back into the present by wolfs howling in the distance.

Shivering she looked around in search for the next voice.

“Helllllooooo…. Anyoooone… there?”

Faydra felt fear creeping down her spine, anxiously waiting for an answer.

“WHAT THE F… ARE YOU DOING HERE”

Was that her own voice? So much anger so much hate, it couldn’t be?

“I am looking for ehm…someone to…… help me with my question, are you… the one? I just want to know… if I am… ready for love?”

Faydra wanted to run away so badly but couldn’t move her feet. She felt frozen, frozen in time, frozen in her own body, frozen by fear, and the hate surrounding the air.

She watched with fear when her darker side emerged from the forest. It was like looking into a mirror, but one of those twisted ones, because when she looked into her own eyes, she only saw hate in them.

The dark version of herself spoke

“PFFFF… you? Ready for love?”

“Why do you think you deserve love”

“You are so broken”

“So damaged”

“Who would want to be with you?“

“You disgust me“

“You will never be loved“

“You will end up alone“

“Die alone“

“You deserve nothing but pain and misery for eternity“You deserve nothing but pain and misery for eternity“

Tears rolled down Faydra’s cheeks.

In a stream she couldn’t control

Maybe this voice was right, maybe she was stupid to think that she could ever be ready for love.

Maybe she was too broken

Faydra had no idea how she managed to find the energy but suddenly she found herself running.

Running through the forest, still crying, her insides screaming at her, her heart broken by the answer

She kept running.

Until her breath left her and she fell down.

She curled into a ball and cried her heart out.

So deep into her own misery she hadn’t noticed she was deeper into the forest now, and someone was comforting her.

“There, there, Faydra, it will all be okay” an elderly voice spoke.

Faydra looked up, wiped her tears away and looked right into the eyes of an elderly woman.

A woman who looked a lot like herself.

Where she had only found hate in the last one’s eyes, there were only love here. Unconditional love

“How can it be okay; I will never be ready for love” Faydra surprised at her own words escaping her mouth.

“that’s not true Faydra, and you know this, deep inside, isn’t that true?” The elderly woman said with a smile on her lips, and loving empathetic eyes

“I guess, I wasn’t sure, that’s why I wanted to venture into this forest and find the help I needed. I’ve been having too many thoughts at night, debating heavily if I truly am ready or not. Can you help me?”

“Yes, I can but first I want to ask you a question” the elderly woman said, “Do you love yourself?”

Faydra surprised by this question but attempted to answer the woman as truthfully as she could.

“Yes, I do, I didn’t always, but I do now, I love the person I was, who I am today, every aspect of myself, unconditionally. The reason why I want love in my life again is not to fill a void like I used to need from love, but because I want to share my love with someone else, new experiences, just life in general”

The woman smiled at Faydra.

“There I think you just got your answer”

Faydra in shock said

“But what if I get hurt again, what if I make mistakes again, what if its too early, what if……”

The woman interrupted Faydra and spoke

“I know you are scared; I know you worry, but look at how far you have come, look at the lesson you were taught on the way. You have learned so much, grown so much, but in all that even when you felt heartbroken and sad in the past, you got up. You recovered and found joy again”

“No matter what happens, you will always be okay. Trust in that.”

“Remember you will always have the love for yourself inside.”

And just like that Faydra knew the answer to her question.

What was the point of this story?

You see, it’s the 3 voices I have in my head.

They are all me, my voice but all speaking to me in a different way.

The first voice is the voice of confidence.

The childlike but naïve cheerleader who thinks I can do no wrong and is perfect.

The voice that drives me forward when I need the boost, but is ever fleeting, and at times is too cheerful.

The second voice is the dark side of myself, the voice that used to rule me in my past, the voice of negative talk, the voice of fear, and the voice that is ruled by past bad experiences.

Then there is the last voice.

The voice of self-worth.

A voice of unconditional love, my teacher, my mentor, my best friend.

This is the voice I always turn to for questions in my life.

Questions I need answers too, or anytime I need help sorting out my thoughts.

It took many years to find the voice of self-worth.

So, in my past I only ever listened to the voice of confidence and the voice of self-doubt and hate, and by only having those 2 voices to guide me through my life, it felt like I was sitting in a rollercoaster.

Constantly going up or down.

I either felt good or really bad, and when I felt bad it took me ages to get myself up from that pit of despair.

Today I don’t just listen to the voice of self-worth.

I listen to them all.

Because they still teach me something meaningful.

The darker voice makes me realise my fears and self-doubts to a point where I realise it’s something I still have to work on.

The voice of confidence teaches me to stay grounded. That yes, I am amazing, but I cant be and won’t be every single day.

Sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I’m human, and that’s fine.

The self-worth voice is my favourite.

Its my reminder to treat myself with care and love, it’s the voice that allows me too just be me.  

When I struggle with big questions in my life.

I pay attention to what these 3 voices inside my head tell me, I listen to the first two, but I only take the advice of the self-worth voice.

How I developed self- worth

I didn’t have this when I was younger.

Self-worth

It took years of growing this.

And it still takes practise and care to maintain this.

I learned that when you go within and hear your own thoughts.

That you have to imagine, a mother or a father.

Someone who loves you deeply.

What would they say to you?

Would they reprimand you?

Would they yell at you?

No

They would give you a hug and tell you it’s okay to feel or think the way you do.

They would give you unconditional love.

I had issues imagining a mother or a father doing this, so I had to turn it around and think at it this way.

What would I say to my own child?

And by saying what I would say to my own child, to myself, helped me grow my self-worth.

It helped me so much that I no longer feel myself either being up or down. I can maintain a healthy balance

So, when life throws me a curveball and I feel insecure or bad about something.

I can get up and go again, with a smile on my lips.

Just like a child would when they scrape a knee and after a loving parent gave them a hug and a few loving words.  

I hope you enjoyed the short story, and that I explained the 3 voices in a way that has meaning.

May your day be great with Sunshine, Laughter and Love ❤

MissFaylyn out