How do you break a bad habit?

I’ve been a smoker most of my life.

I grew up with both of my parents smoking and even though I swore many times to them both that I would never start smoking myself, I ended up at a party being convinced otherwise.

“Ill just try one” became to two, later to three and a week later I was addicted.

Several times during the years I tried to quit, but my motivation for quitting was lacking. I told myself its too expensive smoking and it’s for my health.

I’ve never really cared too much about money, and I’ve always been good at living minimalistic. Buying clothes once a year, buy second-hand furniture, and not spend my money otherwise on things I really need.

When it came to worrying about my health, I never really gave it a second thought. Ive never taken care of myself well, getting the healthy amount of exercise, drinking enough water, even being good at getting enough sleep.

I was healthy enough in my mind, so the excuse and motivation to quit smoking was mostly for others. For my family that told me I should quit, for boyfriends, who didn’t really like kissing an astray every time they kissed me, for friends who told me I should quit since its unhealthy for me.

I grew up with my parents smoking indoors, and I’ve always done the same. Getting used to the yellowish wallpaper and the smell of cigarettes everywhere, became my daily life. I later learned to just smoke in one room only, but even then, It was the same room where my computer was sitting in.

I often had a look at my fan inside my computer since it was at times struggling keeping my computer cool, because of the grey yellowish sticky dust inside.

The side effects from smoking inside, was noticeably clear. Over the years it has killed my computers more times then I can count.

This last year I was more determined then ever to quit smoking. It started effecting my health.

I often woke up coughing and continued to cough throughout the day

I realised my hair was getting really thin, more then usual, and my front teeth started to turn more brown then yellow.

I had recently bought a really strong gamer pc for streaming and video editing, and I was determined that this one was not going to die on me before it was its time. Not because of smoking inside.

The cigarette price in Denmark rose to double the prize so that was another motivation, and the biggest reason I could think of was it prevented me from streaming the amount of time I wanted to be streaming.

I have never been able or want to show myself smoking to my audience.

Smoking for me has become more of an embarrassment, then something that was cool, like it used to be when I was younger.

Quitting so I could stream more on twitch became my biggest motivation.

I initially wanted to start this spring, but I had recently gone through a messy breakup and I still used smoking as an emotional bandage.

Today, I am feeling like myself again. I’m stronger than I was this spring and my motivation to quit isn’t for others but for myself. I don’t quit for my family, my friends, or future boyfriends, I do it for myself only, for the extra time ill live healthy, for the health of my hair, my teeth, for my beloved computer, being able to buy more tech stuff for my stream, and to not ever again be dependant on an addiction. Having to worry if I have enough cigarettes for the evening, worrying where its possible to smoke when I travel or visit friends/family.

I am now 6 days smoke free, and more determined than I have been in years.

and 6 days might not be a lot, but for me it’s a big victory, and every day it gets easier, It even makes me smile a little when I think of smoking, because the second I think the thought a big fat NO comes out as a scream in my head.

What I learned from quitting my unhealthy habit:

1. It’s not possible to quit before you feel mentally really. If you don’t feel ready you are more likely to fall back into smoking again.
2. You will most likely gain weight from quitting, but don’t try to loose weight and quit smoking at the same time, I will be too much you put on yourself and you will most likely fail at both.
3. Accept that you might gain some weight and that’s okay, its easier to lose weight then to quit smoking, so give yourself some credit, and spoil yourself a little.
4. Substitute cigarettes with a carrot, pretzel sticks, chewing gum, candy, anything that might help take the urge to smoke off.
5. I drink coffee while I’m smoking, and for me I can’t quit both, so I have my coffee with pretzel sticks at the side, don’t expect to quit both. Substitute.
6. Avoid triggers, for me its arguments or stressful situations. So I took a step back from being social, streaming. Figure out how you feel about a certain situation and it triggers the will to smoke again, step away from that situation.
7. Keep your hands busy, for me I started knitting or even playing games where I keep my mind and my hands busy. It helped massively.

Quitting is easy, keeping it is a lot harder.

I am determined that this is the last time I quit, and that I have to find healthier habits.

I am also aware that If I do fall back into the trap again, then its back up on the horse again.

Its better to quit 10 times then to not having tried at all.

And what’s most important don’t ever beat yourself up for trying and failing, because its still one step closer to a smoke free life.

Thank you for reading, until next time 🙂

Have a great day ❤