Dear 18-year-old me.
I did it.
I actually did it.
I turned 40.
And its not bad, not at all.
That’s what I wish I could tell my younger self.
40 years old was always an age, that I would fear.
I always imagined that one, I wouldn’t live to be 40.
I couldn’t imagine it.
And two that it would be the end of who I was.
I would have changed, and if I didn’t change by then that would mean I was doomed to live my life at a standstill.
Because who changed at the age of 40?
If I hadn’t gotten my dream career, my husband, and kids by then, then that would be it.
It would be too late.
But weirdly enough, I never in my wildest dreams would have realized it for what it really is to turn 40.
For me its not the end
Its not my eternal standstill.
For me its a new beginning.
A new life.
A new direction.
Its the age of hope and where my dreams start.
At the age of 40 I am 7 months pregnant.
I live with my best friend and partner in an apartment that we just got in December, and life is good.
And the change doesn’t stop there.
I can see my future clearly.
More clearly than I have ever seen it.
Its a future where I follow my dreams and aren’t too scared to start.
Ill start my education in a few years maybe, or ill start working independently.
Its a future of endless possibility.
And I can’t wait to see what else is in store for me.
My 20ies was filled with emotional pain, and a lot of healing from my childhood.
It was a time where I had to get to know myself, and fight some of the beliefs that I had gotten wrong.
It changed my view on the world, my world.
My 30ies I spent mostly in solitude In front of my PC.
It was a time for self reflection and rebuilding my self-worth.
Every year I grew stronger and started to dream again.
I learned about my own strength, and that I could be brave.
Brave enough to write and share myself with the world.
Brave enough to record and post my gaming videos.
Brave enough to start believing that I was worth more.
But in my 20ies and 30ies I didn’t do much else then self reflecting and self healing.
So I’m excited that the next 10 years, will change from reflection to action.
Taking action towards what I want to experience in life.
I can’t wait to be a mother again. (I have a daughter already, but I didn’t raise her, my mom did, and her dad did. One day when I feel brave enough ill wrote more about this)
In so many ways it will be a new beginning for me.
A start to do it differently.
Because now I am finally ready.
Turning 40 is not the end, its the beginning.
If you feel like its too late to change something in your life, have hope.
Its never too late.
Have faith.
Even when it feels hard or impossible to believe in.
MissFaylyn Out.
Missfaylyn 