But here I go
I finally think I understand what my life mission is…
What my purpose is.
What I want to spend the next many years fighting for
And honestly, I am all over the place making this important life decision.
I feel a lot right now.
Mostly I feel excited.
Ecstatic
and I can’t wait to start on this new journey.
But I also feel a tinge of fear.
I feel the well-known perfectionism creeping into my thoughts.
I need to do this right.
I need to start this right.
And what if I start and I dont do well.
What if I willingly crack open my chest and bare my heart wide open to the public and its not well received.
What If I say something stupid or do a poor job editing.
Before I keep freaking out in text, I should probably talk about what this huge decision is going to be about.
Well…
I am actually a little nervous writing this down…
I am taking my blog to You Tube.
What does that mean?
Well, it means I want to make videos about the same subjects I’ve been writing for years about on here.
I want to talk about my past.
I want to talk about mental health.
And how I live and love as a sensitive emotional woman.
I want to talk about my time in the welfare system, what I learned, and that I feel closer than ever to getting out of it, towards true independence and my dreams.
Why do I want to talk about this?
Let’s first dive into why I started this blog.
And ill tell you that wasn’t a decision I took lightly.
In fact, it took me several years to get the courage to start it.
I needed a creative outlet, and a free space to share my thoughts and feelings about my life.
When I was 18 years old, I decided that I had to keep talking about my past, my feelings, and my thoughts.
I had to share.
I had to stop the silence I had lived through in my teens.
You see the silence about the sexual abuse I had lived with in my teens, was tearing me apart, and the only way to heal that scar, was to openly talk about it.
(I write more about my past in my post – Im a survivor not a victim)
I have always been writing down my feelings and thoughts.
Because on paper I can be completely honest with myself.
When I read what I have written down, I often get these moments of clarity, and it makes me feel lighter, better, filled with more hope, and motivation to keep moving forward, even when it was hard.
So, I started the blog to help me heal.
I wrote down my blog post so I could eventually visit them again, and relearn, revaluate a thought or emotion that I had at the time I wrote my post.
I reread them to remind myself to stay on the path of self-healing, and selfcare.
I never imagined that I would get followers, or even that you, wonderful people would like my posts.
Every time I got a comment about my strength or that I wrote an inspiring read, I was filled with joy.
It gave me the necessary strength to continue, and to keep fighting for a better life for myself.
And now that I feel like I’m in a really good place in my life, I want to spend the next many years of helping others in my old shoes.
I want to share my journey, my ups and downs, in hope that someone who needs it will feel the same hope I got when I read posts from others having mental health issues.
I want to share that even if you have been a victim of your past, that you can reach a point, eventually where you don’t feel like a victim anymore.
But instead feel like a survivor.
That with every breakdown, and beat down in your life, that you will come out much stronger, and feel the light of tomorrow even stronger than the day before.
I am ready.
I am ready to share.
To open up
To start writing my book about my past
To make videos in hope that I can help inspire a little.
Tell my journey towards the life I feel so grateful of having today.
When I only just 10 years ago, felt no hope, no future for myself but early retirement.
I never ever in a million years would have thought I could get to a place where fear doesn’t rule my life anymore.
Where I every day wake up inspired and motivated with a smile on my face.
And with me sharing my life, I hope I can inspire that same hope in someone else out there.
Someone who needs that hope.
That change is possible even when nothing has changed for years.
Even when you live the darkest of your days, and you think that it will never change, that you are stuck in perpetual midnight and you don’t remember how dawn looks like, how it feels like.
There is always hope.
I used to think I was so broken.
That nothing could repair the damage on my soul, mind, and heart.
But it’s funny how time works.
It really does heal every wound.
On my journey I meet so many people who inspired me, motivated me, and kept me clinging to hope.
They taught me that its okay taking small steps.
It’s okay to take breaks, and its okay to sometimes move a step backwards, but to never give up.
I am forever grateful for those people, and its what they gave me I want to give to others.
So yes, I am setting myself on a new journey in life.
And yes, it might be scary to start with
It might fail.
But its okay.
I am MissFaylyn (Miss failing)
Failing is my speciality. Its where I shine, because failure doesn’t make me quit, it only motivates me to work harder, to get back up on that horse, and learn to ride a bit better.
So, I am doing it.
Soon
I’ll still be blogging, and perhaps even more the I have in the past.
But I will have to start working on my website a bit more.
Right now, it’s still a mess.
Thing is I have to learn how to make a website, and that will take time.
But hopefully in the next few months I have my website updated, and a channel with my first videos on it, and when I do, I will write about it here.
I would like to thank you all for reading my post and continuously following me.
You created a safe space where I feel safe enough to share my life, and for this…
You are my hero.
Your comments and your likes showed me that what I was writing down, even when I was frantically Scribbling down my unedited thoughts down, that they had meaning, value.
It gave me the faith and confidence in myself to continue this.
So, from the bottom of my heart thank you ❤
You are awesome.
Keep shining and living your life to the fullest. Keep smiling and never lose hope.
If its midnight for you, one day soon it will be dawn, and the sun will shine on you again.
MissFaylyn out… ❤
Missfaylyn 