Christmas will never be the same after this

December

A month where magic and miracles happen

A month where you come together with family

Where snow coats the ground in a beautiful white

A time to reflect on the year gone by too quickly.

A time with Christmas songs blaring out loud in the shops

A time where you see Christmas decorations everywhere.

A time where you look forward to spending it with family.

But what if you don’t celebrate Christmas?

What if you don’t have a huge family to celebrate it with?

How can December be a month that you enjoy?

Story time…

Fay was only 10 years old.

She was sitting on the couch, starring at the tv.

Her mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner.

It was Christmas eve, and she knew that all her friends where dancing around the Christmas tree with their big families.

She knew that they would feast together, sing together, and get a lot of presents.

Fay was sad.

She tried to hold back the tears

The Christmas movie she was watching was about Christmas miracles, big families, and Santa Claus granting wishes.

She made a wish

“I want a big family for Christmas, I want to celebrate Christmas like my friends, I want what I see in the tv”

Maybe one day she would get her wish.

Maybe one day she would stop hating Christmas.

Stop feeling this lonely.

Her mother tried to make the day special, and she felt grateful to her mother, but it still wasn’t the same.

She wanted what her friends had, what everyone in Denmark had.

She just wanted to know what it was like to have a normal Christmas.

Fay 19 years old

So, this is how a Christmas feels like….

She had just celebrated a normal Danish Christmas with her boyfriend and his family.

And it had been just as magical as she had expected it to be.

So much love, so much care

It had started out a little hectic, then it had been calm, waiting for dinner, the joyful anticipation of what’s to come.

she had a lovely dinner, so much laughing, so many smiles.

Then they had opened presents together.

So many presents.

It had all been magical, and fay felt whole.

She felt love, she felt the magic of Christmas, and she never wanted to let that feeling go.

She knew she wanted every Christmas to be like this, and maybe this was the first of many to come.

Maybe the time of her feeling alone for Christmas was over.

Surrounded by family was all she ever wanted.

Fay felt hope like she had never felt it before.

Fay 31 years old.

It was Christmas eve, and she was logged into world of warcraft.

An mmorpg game, that she had been playing for years.

Tonight, was like any other night.

There was no Christmas to be celebrated today.

Except from the one single pixel Christmas tree in the game.

She looked at it and felt the sting of loneliness.

There would be no Christmas dinner today

No Christmas gifts

No smiles from family, no hugs.

Just fay sitting here alone, in her room.

While her Friends took time off the game, to celebrate with family.

Some of them would come back later tonight and share stories of time with their family.

What they had to eat, what presents they got, how funny their uncle had acted after having a bit too much eggnog

Fay thought back to the time she had experienced her own Christmas, surrounded by her boyfriend’s family.

A tear formed on fays cheek.

She hated Christmas.

She hated this feeling she felt every Christmas

She hated December

And every December she did her best to sleep as long as she could

Keep her head down when she went shopping so she wouldn’t notice all the Christmas decorations

Covering her ears to not hear the Christmas songs.

She felt the anger rise every time she heard a Christmas song.

It reminded her of her loneliness.

It reminded her that she didn’t have a big family.

And the family she did have didn’t celebrate Christmas.

Not in the way she wanted it.

Christmas sucks

December sucks.

She continued playing world of warcraft and went to bed sad and angry, but also relieved that it was finally over.

Tomorrow was just another normal day, thankfully.

Fay 37 years old

Fay went to bed smiling.

She had spent Christmas day with her mother and her daughter, and nothing special happened, but then again something different did happen tonight.

She had made dinner, shepherd’s pie, and while they were eating dinner, they had all worn Christmas hats.

There had been smiles, laughs, a room full of love, and cosy comfort.

Then they had watched a Christmas movie together.

3 generations of women.

Watching the grinch

A movie fitting for what Fay had felt every December.

While they had watched the movie, fay had realised something.

Something huge.

Christmas

She had been all wrong about this.

Christmas wasn’t about a big family.

It wasn’t about the songs

The decorations

The presents

It was about family, even if it was a small one.

It was about love

Hope for the new year

Being able to reflect on the year that had gone past.

It was about the small joys.

The flickering lit candle in the window still.

The white snow outside the window coating the world beautifully.

It had been a beautiful day…

The best Christmas she had had in years.

And next year it would be better.

Every single year since I can remember, I have always hated December.

I have always felt more alone

More angry

More sad

And all because I wanted something I didn’t have.

A big family.

That I couldn’t change.

But I’ve come to realise, something important.

That I don’t have to hate Christmas

Or December.

Because I can make my own traditions.

I can make my own Christmas celebrations.

I didn’t realise that I already have a Christmas tradition

I have always watched Christmas movies on the day.

And this year I started a tradition up again that I did a few years ago.

I made cookies.

Daim cookies, and this is something I want to continue.

I want to make Christmas my own.

I want to make every holiday my own.

With my own traditions.

So next year I came up with a plan how to celebrate these my way.

Christmas 2023

Make Christmas cookies

Reflect on the year that has gone past.

Celebrate the victories and good times in the year.

Go into town and buy roasted almond nuts.

Watch Christmas movies with mom and daughter.

Light candles around the house.

Knit a scarf.

This isn’t a lot, but it’s a way where I can look forward to Christmas.

Appreciating the season in a way I’ve never done before.

And this brings a smile to my face while I’m typing this.

Next year 2023

Next year I want to go into December looking at the entire month differently.

Im going to look forward to spending this month with my new traditions.

Lighting up the house with candles.

knitting scarf while binging christmas movies.

and most of all remembering the leasson I was taught this season.

Its not about all the fluff and the bling.

Christmas is about the small joys.

The family I do have, the friends in my life.

The love I feel for them

and the love I feel for myself

and I will celebrate this love in my way.

I will do some of the things that is unique to december.

eating roasted almond nuts, making daim cookies, and other baked goods.

I will wear my christmas hat and I will smile.

Its been exhausting being a christmas grinch for so many years.

wishing for things I didnt have

Instead I learned to appreciate the things I do have in a new way.

and that is the biggest christmas miracle I could have ever recieved.

and I wouldnt have felt this way, if I hadnt watched the movie the Grinch.

It gave me the gift of appreciation.

and with that hope for a better christmas and a joyful december, every year.

I also learned that its not about celebrating the day of christmas, but celebrating the season.

Celebrating december.

All I know, is that my christmas going forward wont be the same after this experience.

I will forever remember the leasson I got this christmas.

Do you celebrate christmas?

if you find yourself in my shoes, where you never celebrated christmas like everyone else.

make your own traditions.

even if they are about just doing somethings differently.

or something small

something that brings a smile in december.

Update…

Ive been struggeling to find inspiration lately, and took this month to rest my thoughts a little.

But soon I will be posting more regular blog posts.

I might be experimenting about what to write about and how I write it, so stay tuned for this.

Im still in a place of self discovery, and in deep thought of what I want to do in 2023.

But I expect the year of 2023 to be a great year.

I plan to expand and work more on my website, and with blogpost that follow all the changes I go through internally and externally.

So stay tuned, and thank you so much for reading this post.

You are awesome!

I hope you had an amazing year, and a joyful holiday

MissFaylyn out