Overthinking…Observant…(H)onesty

I have a habit of overthinking, and today I realised one of the reasons.

This is something to do with me being a highly sensitive person.

One of those things I never understood and why I think it’s because of this sensitivity trait I have.

I had one of those light bulb moments today

So yes, I am a highly sensitive person, a highly sensitive person is described as being very observant.

To me it doesn’t feel different then what I find natural.

I see what I see, and I feel what I feel, and all I could ever do to figure out if this was normal or not is compare with people around me.

I’ve always been told I’m very observant.

I notice subtleties in my surroundings, and I especially notice body langue and tone of voice.

 It’s a nice trait to have, but it can also feel like I’m overstepping an invisible boundary at times.

I often describe this as intuition, but I think more and more its just me noticing the subtleties.

So, what does this have to do with overthinking?

Well, you see, let me tell you one of my memories of one of the times I felt I was overstepping a boundary a little bit.

I was talking to one of my best friends on the discord app.

We talked for hours and mostly about being single.

Until suddenly I burst out saying “how do you feel about crushing on Peter?”

My friend was stunned and said “What…. Crushing on peter?”

I replied a little hesitantly

“Ehm… you have a crush on peter? Or am I wrong?”

She laughed and after a while said “Oh S…. I think I do; I haven’t noticed until you just told me”

I can tell you it was a little awkward telling my friend that she was crushing on a friend before she even noticed herself that she felt that way.

I have always been very quick to pick up others’ emotions, and sometimes this can feel a little like I’m overstepping a boundary.

I can’t unsee what I see, but sometimes I really wish I can.

Sometimes I’m more observant than other times, and I pick up emotions like stress, emotional pain, insecurities, and with a good friend I try to ask into it carefully, but I’ve also noticed often then other times, that people don’t like talking about everything, so I stay quiet, and try not to be too observant of these small things.

But sometimes its hard.

I end up walking home with these thoughts and worries.

A feeling like I’m carrying home their emotions, and I can’t act or show support for something I haven’t been told.

Or can I?

This is the time I start to overthink.

Should I act or should I stay quiet and pretend I don’t know anything, until they feel like sharing.

What’s even more frustrating at times, is when I pick up something people intentionally keep hidden from me.

Like I have my annoying days, where I get a little too hyper and high energy, and this can be a little annoying for my friends who sometimes need a little bit of calm.

If I feel overwhelmed at times, I always end up being super high energy until I can be alone for a moment, so at times its just how I deal with the feeling of overwhelm.

But when I sense I am annoying and they don’t say it or act it, I can get a little frustrated that no one says anything.

And I know why no one does.

Its because of the same reason I find it hard to share everything I think and feel.

At times, you don’t want to hurt the other persons feelings.

Even though I do the same, I wish sometimes that honesty would just be the natural go to.

Because brutal honesty helps with my overthinking a great deal.

If I sense frustration or annoyance, it’s harder for me to shake that feeling, I pick up, and I overthink every scenario possible of why I feel this way, and why no one tells me.

With my closest friends, they have been great at just telling me how they feel or think, because they know how I can go into overdrive at times.

They know that I would rather have the brutal straight up truth then end up overthinking something for days at a time.

Even if it’s a truth that at times hurts.

But honesty is rare, I have realised, and I don’t think I would need as much if it wasn’t for my observant trait.  Heightened intuition or what you want to call it.

At times I have to live with never knowing or finding out why I felt the emotions from people around me, why their body language said one thing and what they said another thing.

So, when this is the case, I have to just accept not knowing anything, and pretend I know nothing, and this is definitely a balancing act for me.

So back to the light bulb Moment I had today.

I finally think I understand why I overthink so much.

It’s the observing trait.

Lately I have been out a lot more then I usual am, and I notice subtleties all around me.

I sense what I call my intuition pretty strongly, and everything I’ve been picking up for weeks and noticed, I got confirmed.

So, its not just in my head, I do pick up things by observing more.

Before I understood the highly sensitive trait, I literally just thought I as going a bit crazy sometimes.

But now that I understand it better, I can work on this feeling so I can stop the overthinking and go into overdrive sometimes.

I realised I need to have the thought, the feeling and just let it go.

Let it wash over me like a wave, instead of putting too much energy in it.

Because even though I would love the world walking up tomorrow and just constantly saying what they feel or think, I also know that not everyone needs that same kind of honesty from everyone all the time.

So, it’s up to me, to learn to just have patience and sometimes learn how to let go.

Being observant can also be an amazing trait.

I feel its tied well to my empathy, and that’s one of the things I am proudest of having, and also noticing the small details in a beautiful painting, nature, well all around me.

Truly noticing when people are happy within, is a beautiful sight.

I felt really inspired today to write this mini post, but I have a busy day today so don’t have more time to edit and fine tune as I usually do, but I still wanted to post it today.

So, take what makes sense ❤

MissFaylyn out