Faydra starring at the 5 doors in front of her, with apprehension and fear.
She knew she had to pick one and go through it to reach the treasure.
But which door should she choose?
What if she chose the wrong one?
Every door looked the same.
Every one of them intriguing.
Like the mystery of looking at a rainbow, which every intention of figuring out what was at the end of it.
Feeling impatient she picked the door in the middle.
She opened it fearlessly and walked through.
What she saw on the other side overwhelmed her with every emotion.
So many people.
All smiling, wanting to hug her, be her friend.
She smiled back and embraced the feeling of friendship.
Eventually she realised she had become a leader.
And with leadership came responsibilities.
She was suddenly in charge of dealing with small issues that would arise in the group.
Having to please every single one of the people in her group.
She knew deep within this wasn’t what she wanted to be.
A leader.
She knew she made a poor leader, wanting to please everyone would eventually upset someone, that would lead to more pleasing until eventually everyone would end up upset, and Faydra unhappy.
With a deep sigh of frustration and the feeling of failure she realised she had picked the wrong door.
A few months had passed, and Faydra felt angry at herself for having wasted her time.
“This time” she thought, while walking back to the 5 doors, “This time I’m going to pick the right one!”
Again, she found herself in front of the doors. Starring at them intensely. Trying to figure out how they where different.
The feeling of forever passing by she ended up picking a new door.
Frustrated and scared of her making the wrong choice again, she hesitantly opened the door, expecting failure from start.
She looked inside before walking through.
Her eyes went wide, her chest heaved for air, her cheeks went pink.
She looked at the most beautiful man she had ever seen.
He was radiating light and love with his mere presence.
He smiled, and she melted.
She ran, he ran, and they embraced.
A day passed, and they where still in a tight embrace, a week passed, a month.
She felt happy and safe, and endless love.
But….
They where just standing there in a tight embrace. There was no movement, no new experiences, just the two of them entwined into one.
She became more restless by the second and realised eventually.
Fuck…. Not again!
She had picked the wrong door.
With a burdened heart she eventually realised that she had to release herself from the embrace.
But not today, it felt too good.
So, she stayed
And stayed
Until one day the restlessness and curiosity took over and she freed herself from him.
With tears in her eyes, and a heavy heart she dragged her feet back to the room with the doors.
This time she had to pick the right one.
It was the 3rd door, so it had to be the right one, right?
She opened it eagerly and walked through.
She saw a road in front of her and stepped out into it.
Suddenly they were movement behind her. She looked back and saw wines. Like snakes they where slithering towards her, intent on trapping her.
She looked ahead and found the same wines slithering. To the left to the right of her the same.
She looked around in panic. Trying to figure out the right way to run away from the entrapping wines.
To no prevail, she was entangled in them.
She struggled to be free of them, but the more she struggled the more they held their grip on her.
At a standstill she stood there.
A defeating gaze, a heavy sigh, realising there was no hope, and nothing left to do but to stand there.
Number 3 was not her lucky number.
The more time passed, she felt scared that this was the end.
That she would never find the right door.
That she would die here, at the worst standstill of her life, struggling to be set free of the constraining wines.
Eventually she felt them loosen. A bit by bit.
She felt a sliver of hope, that one day she would be free to go back to the room with the doors and eventually find the right one for her.
While she waited out the worst of it, she dreamed of happiness, achievement, love, progression.
Eventually she was free, and she ran as fast as her legs could carry her, back to the same spot she had started out her journey.
The room with the 5 doors.
Only 2 doors left this time she knew it, she would pick the right one. She had to pick the right one.
Ages had passed and she wasn’t getting any younger.
She picked a door and walked through.
On the other side, she found 2 roads this time.
One looked peaceful and familiar, the other ominous, and mysterious.
After the experience with the last door, she felt afraid to pick the mysterious one, so she found herself on the peaceful familiar road.
Whistling happily, she walked.
The sun was up, with no clouds in the sky. It was a beautiful day and she enjoyed walking and being here in the moment.
She walked and walked, happily at first.
Until eventually it hit her.
Was she walking around in circles?
She swore she had been here before, at this part of the road when she had first begun her walk.
No, she couldn’t be!
There had to be an end of this road, the treasure eagerly awaiting her at the end.
Right?
So, she walked and walked…
Until it dawned on her.
She WAS walking in circles.
She had picked the wrong door again.
She was frustrated and heavily annoyed at herself for not having realised it sooner, but didn’t feel too discouraged, since she knew this time.
She would pick the right door with only one door left to be explored.
She found the door back to the room and found herself staring at the last door.
She couldn’t believe her bad luck. 1 out of 5 and she had picked the wrong door every time.
Ah well
She opened the door and walked in with a big smile.
Finally!
She found herself on a road, this time a short one because sooner then she expected she was here.
What she saw shocked her to her core.
She couldn’t believe her eyes.
Really!
“REALLY…….!“She yelled in deep frustration and anger.
She found herself in front of 5 new doors.
So, what is the purpose of this story?
Well, you see, Faydra is me, it’s you, its every person out there.
The doors are the choices we make.
With every choice we make we hope for that elusive reward, a treasure that somehow makes our lives better.
Chasing the reward of an opportunity, love, a new career, could be anything really.
Let’s dive a little deeper into the meaning of each door Faydra entered.
The first door she found herself surrounded by friends, she became a leader of a group and found happiness for a while until she realised being a leader came with a responsibility that she wasn’t ready for or want.
She immediately thought it to be a mistake and ran back to open another door. What she failed to realise, what I failed to realise when this happened to me, is that this mistake I learned something important about myself.
I made the choice of becoming a guild master in my favourite game, for my friends, and while I thought this could bring me happiness and a feeling of accomplishment, it turned sour quick.
I enjoyed the feeling of being part of something important, that I was important to this group of players in my favourite game. But with leadership there is a responsibility to lead, and in this game, to make the hard and tough choices for the group.
Being a people pleaser by nature, I instead avoided the hard choices to please the individual player, in the long run I realised I was chewing on something to hard to chew, and ended up having a group of frustrated individuals, and I ran.
I found myself back in front of a new choice. Something else I wanted to pursue.
And I found love, the next door.
I fell in love hard, so hard that I didn’t really question this relationship. I didn’t question if I was ready for it, I didn’t expect anything. It was a long distance one, where neither of us where intending to move for the other, so we stayed put in a relationship that was doomed from the beginning, since it didn’t bring me a sense of progression.
Our goals didn’t align, we weren’t even that great friends. We where just stuck in the embrace and beauty of love.
It took me a long time realising this and even longer to open up about this and end the relationship.
What I didn’t realise then in my frustration was that it taught me a lesson about love that I feel so grateful for today.
That finding the right person to be in a relationship with trumps being in love with the first person you see who looks beautiful. That its important to have the conversation of dreams, goals, and find a deep friendship as well as have the love between the two of you. That just love isn’t enough, not if you can’t be yourself and pursue the dreams you have.
The 3rd door Faydra found herself stuck in a bad situation, a series of events (Wines) that trapped her, so she couldn’t move.
After a series of bad events happened to me, I chose to stay still, in that mess. At a standstill, frustrated of no possible escape from the bad I was in. Seeing no hope of escaping it anytime soon.
So, I withdrew, from everything into myself and just gave up moving forward.
What I didn’t see was that in that standstill, I learned a great deal about myself.
While not moving in the physical world I moved a great deal in my emotionally world.
Even though I felt guilty at the time for not having moved at all in those years, I now see how important those years was for me. I taught myself self- love during that time, so even though to others I didn’t move an inch, I moved a lot internally, and I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t made that choice to stand still for so long
The 4th door we see Faydra open and step into. The door with the 2 roads, one mysterious looking and the other one familiar.
How often have I made a choice of staying in what is comfortable instead of exploring the new?
To make the choice of what feels familiar to me, what feels safe, and find myself walking in circles, on the same path of familiarity. Wanting more but being too scared to step into the path of the unknown. Especially in fear of past experiences happening again.
Being too scared to enter a new relationship, trying a new hobby, taking risks, or meeting new people
I’ve made the choice of the familiar and safe many times and felt annoyed at myself that I never felt brave enough to make another choice. To walk in circles, experiencing the same day in and day out.
What I never realised is that the more I got used to safe and familiar, the more I craved new experiences, and eventually I choose to walk a brand new slightly scary road.
It was because I had walked in the same shoes for so long that gave me the bravery to try the new.
Now we found Faydra going through the last door, the 5th and final door.
Thinking that she has finally reached the treasure she is seeking, the reward. Then to her frustration and anger finding 5 new doors.
The point of this story and the 5th door is, you make a lot of choices in life, and while you make these choices, you might realise sometimes that the choices you made, where a mistake, a failure, and you feel like you are right there at the beginning again of your journey. In the same room with the 5 doors, not having really moved forward but more like a prolonged backtrack.
Thing is.
What Faydra didn’t realise, what I didn’t realise, is that every single choice, good or bad, especially the bad is never the wrong choice.
Thinking at it deeply, think about how much you have learned from your past experiences, how much you have lived.
I have made a lot of choices in my life
Some good, some bad. The bad ones made me feel that I was wasting my life, that I wasn’t moving anywhere, and I felt so annoyed that I didn’t seem to be able to make a really good choice, with the reward I was seeking.
When I look at every choice today that I have made, I am feeling grateful for every single lesson it taught me.
I am in a situation where I feel happy with where I am.
I am happy at my core.
There is still a lot I want to explore, many new doors I want to open, but I’m no longer scared to open the wrong one, because I realised that not any of the doors, I opened was a wrong choice for me. They where all doors that lead me to the point, I am in life today, with the life experience I have, and I feel so much more equipped to walk through the doors of life. To not feel frustration if I pick what I see in the moment as the wrong one but instead find a meaning with what did I learn from it.
At this very moment, I’m at a crossroad in my life where I have choices to make.
And I have decided to make a few choices, knowing that atleast one of these choices will end up failing. So why am I making a choice willingly knowing that it will fail?
Because I’m in great need of what this failure will teach me, going forward.
A failure I can use to later succed in what I am really chasing.
Sometimes to gain clarity in your life you have to fail at some things.
Make mistakes, take risks.
Without this you dont grow.
So I look forward to making mistakes and making the wrong choices, for the oppertunity to learn a great deal about myself and hone in on the things I am chasing in life.
This is why I wrote this story today, to partly remind future me of this, if I one day revert back to the impatient side of myself, where I judge myself for picking the wrong door, instead of valueing the lessons I learn on the path to finding the right door for me in life. The right choice for me.
Its also for you dear reader, if you ever find yourself in a position like this.
I encourage you to think about what you learned from your wrong choices in your life.
What did you learn from it?
What value did you get from this experience?
Feel free to type down below if this resonates with you 🙂
If not then I hope it was an entertaining read.
Have a truly magical and enlightened day.
Missfaylyn out and throug the next 5 doors in life.
Missfaylyn 