I am?

And the Grind continues

It’s been a few weeks, since I made my decision to not let fear and doubt rule my actions anymore, and I’ve accomplished a lot of good things.

Ive learnt a lot.

Ive learned how to use photoshop better.

Ive learned a few things about adobe premiere pro.

I Started streaming a little again, and even posted a few new videos on my you tube channel.

I eat and sleep better, even made a daily work schedule.

Anyone who knows me personally, would agree that this is a major feat.

I have always been the opposite of disciplined.

I went to bed when it pleased me, if my million thoughts didn’t keep me up at night.

I ate when hungry and whatever I pleased, not caring too much about my health.

I played games with friends every day, had a lot of fun, but entertainment ruled my life, to the point it made me inactive, and even though I have big dreams, its so easy to slip into endless of entertainment as I used to before.

That lifestyle isn’t enough for me anymore, and a few weeks ago, even though it is scary as hell, I wanted to fight for my dream.

My dream of making you tube videos.

Even though my friends and some of my family members might think me crazy, Ive never been more determined to climb my mountain. (read my last post)

I’m proud of myself, but also still scared, and learning how to be okay, when im scared of the unknown is something I have to get better at.

I need to be better at listening to my heart and just be in the love for my own work and not listen to the thought that tells me im crazy for dreaming big.

Even though my passion is great, and I’m determined, there is still a shadow side.

Not fear anymore, but more impatience, and anger.

Impatience because I want to be farther in my journey than I am. Anger because I still cant figure out in detail what I should commit too, that being my niche

Niche = Is making videos of something specific so people will know my videos for this one thing and not have a broad collection of different video subjects as I have on my channel)

I have so many ideas of what I would love to make videos about, everything from gaming to personal stuff and in between, and for me having to choose, has always been something im really bad it.

I still have no idea what my niche is.

The magic recipe to what my videos will be about.

I started thinking, what am I good at?

Am I funny?

Am I entertaining?

Am I smart?

Can I educate with my videos?

I started being overly critical.

Didn’t help when I asked a friend and he said, you are good at making mistakes and laughing at them.

Its true I am! Good at laughing at my own mistakes, but is that enough?

So while I’ve been eating sleeping and working well, I still need to work on my self a bit.

I’ve been so many things my entire life, that sometimes I doubt what I really am.

I think…

 If I really think about it…

That we are many things, and always will be many things.

Ill try to explain from my perspective.

I am Missfaylyn.

I am a funny person, but I can also be boring.

I am sometimes boring, but also super ambitious,

I’m ambitious, but at times also crippled by fear and doubt.

I’m a fearful person, but I’m also optimistic.

I’m a loving person, but sometimes I prefer to be alone.

I’m not perfect, but still unique. (we are all unique, no one is just like us)

I am Missfaylyn and I laugh at my mistakes, even though I fail, I always manage to get up and fight a little harder for the things I’m passionate about.

I can make this a hell of a lot longer, but my point is.

We are all many things, depending on what day it is, what mood we are in, and so many other things. As I see it, we are on our own journey of self-discovery, and through out a life time, we are many many things, sometimes we will change, sometimes we develop new traits, skills.

Almost like lvling up in a game.

For me to be more ambitious then inactive, required a lot of work and following my heart, doing things I am passionate about.

And to figure out what im passionate about took a lot of time and trying a lot of new things.

For me to be disciplined takes a lot of work, realising what is more important to me in my life and trying to go for it.

For me to be funny I have to be in a good mood, cant crack a joke or be silly if I’m in a foul mood.

So while im working on my videos, and figuring out what im good at, Im just gonna be me.

Bad and good days.

Scared and brave and so many other things

I have to shut my brain of a little bit more so I can act without being fearful.

Meaning dont think, just do. Which is pretty much my go to mantra for myself.

One thing I am very good at and that is overthinking every little thing. If I wasn’t, this blog would not exist 😀

Even though overthinking can sometimes halt my progression, it can also fuel my fire.

Realising I’m not perfect at the thing I love to do, to the point I can at this time fulfil my dream just makes me more stubborn to work harder.

I’ve come far, and I will go far, as long as I love what I do, and accept some days it’s hard, and sometimes ill fail, but then laugh a little and realise I learned something from my mistakes, and it just brought me a little closer to my dreams.

So dear reader my advise to you.

Be you!

Be many many things throughout your life time, live love, do the things you are passionate about, even if it scares you. I truly believe with enough work and dedication we can all achieve our biggest dreams.

More importantly, Fail.

Fail so you can learn, Fail so you realise you arent perfect, and that not being perfect, you will always have something to work towards.

A lifetime of learning, experiences and following your heart.

In my opinion being imperfect is a hell of a lot more beatiful and perfect, then what we believe is perfect.

My main thing I wanna say is just be you! Live and work for the things you love.

If you want to write, write,

If you want to make videos, have fun doing so.

If you want to fly, remember to bring a parachute 🙂

Have a lot of my mind today so I hope you can find some inspiration or something that resonates with you, if not then I hope it was atleast an entertaining read.

A little update

I’ve been working on my vidoes, but also been experimenting with what I want my website to look like.

Though I’m not even half done figuring out what I want on my website and why I want it there, I’m having so much fun learning about websites.

Its almost like decorating your own room, and having to choose wallpaper, and what furniture you want in your room.

Its also something I have to learn from scratch, even though I love learning, it will take time until its done, before I’ve built My brand Missfaylyn up, but I do believe that one day Ill stand on my mountaintop, wanting to climb the next mountain, but still thrilled I made it this far.

Confused? Yes I would be too. Read my last post and the reference from it might help a bit.

Anyway Missfaylyn out!

Have a truly amazing day, evening or night ❤