Have you ever looked forward to taking a journey feeling excited about the possibilities and the experiences to come, and then suddenly the flight gets cancelled or something else comes in your way that’s out of your control, and the excited feeling leaves you entirely and is replace by frustration and anger that you cant go?
That’s how I’m feeling right now, when I walk past my room, and look at my beloved computer with a dead graphics card. Rest in peace monster.
Well at least until April when I can replace my very expensive graphics card with another.
If this had happened 1 month ago I wouldn’t be feeling this anger, but I was in the process of fully waking up from my hibernation of inaction for months and truly committing to growing my channel on you tube, and start streaming again.
I was mid recording when it happened, working on my next video and out of the blue my computer just turned off. Never seen that before, so I thought maybe the power had went, though it wasn’t the power, because no matter how I tried turning my computer on again, it didn’t.
I’m not gonna lie, when I realized there was nothing to be done, and I surely had to replace something I burst into tears and cried fully for two days straight.
Now you might be thinking why cry over a computer? Didn’t you write you can fix it in April?
Honestly I don’t think it was the computer I cried over, it was mostly the frustration of the work I had put into my projects and dreams the last 2 weeks. The determination I have to commit myself fully to accomplish my dreams, that left me feeling angry and frustrated that I have to wait another month.
Ive been frustrated at myself that I held myself back because of fear, doubt and indecision in the many months before this event.
Ive been stagnant for so long, waiting for the right opportunity or the right idea, not realizing that I had it all wrong, and I wasted months with inaction, worrying about what could happen instead of working actively on my dreams, and the moment I’m fully committed to make it happen, and put the work in, something unexpected happens, and I’m left with inaction again.
This time not my choice, but something that’s out of my control.
Though its really annoying to be in this situation, I do see one blessing.
That blessing is, even though I cant do anything about my situation I did realize today, that the anger and frustration I’m feeling, is a good sign.
It means I’m not happy at all being inactive anymore, and I truly crave to be working. To let my creative mind unfold and that I am so ready.
I want this more then Ive wanted anything for a long time so now I’m just counting days until I can get my new graphics card and start up again.
Finish the video I started and use the stream equipment that’s lying on my floor waiting to be used.
Ive been trying to pass the time with learning more about editing, the you tube algorithm, my adobe programs, and trying to write notes for my next videos, but I’m so impatient.
My days feels a lot longer then they used too.
Its gonna be good when April arrives, and I can truly feel spring of change arriving.
Have you ever experienced something like this before, and how did you handle the waiting time?
Feel free to comment on your experiences 🙂
Have an amazing day
MissFaylyn out
Missfaylyn 