The dangers of being too content!

Is living in a state of being content happiness or is it just to avoid being hurt again?

I was sitting in my own world watching Netflix when I suddenly came to a realisation.

Its funny that these moments always come out of the blue, and you have no idea why it hasn’t been revealed earlier, and so many years too late. Well better late than never right?

I realised most of my adult life why I’ve been in a standstill wasn’t because of fear of change, its because I’ve been too safe, too content. Too comfortable with living in what others whould call misery but for me it was safe and comfortable.

How was I living?

In solitude. I cut myself off from most of my friends.

I lived in my room, not willing to go out and live in the “real” world.

I lived in the gaming world.

I was content, but never truly happy.

Once and a while I did do some new things but eventually I would always go back to what was safe and comfortable.

It was a way I used to protect myself. Not feeling I needed anyone but myself and those closest to  me.

It was a way to escape my past, and delve into the world of entertainment, so I wouldn’t have to think about how I was feeling or listen to all the negative thoughts I had of myself.

But years went on, and it is still so easy to fall back into bad habits.

So hard that getting myself a little bit of discipline to get out of that circle has been energy draining.

By being comfortable, and the dangerous feeling of content has left me in a standstill again, of endless solitude and entertainment, and only one thing can break this circle.

Being uncomfortable and a little afraid again!

It started with fear and pain, when I started living this way, but now it must end with a little fear again to change what Ive been so used to.

I realised to get myself up from this standstill I can’t say no to the things I know will benefit me again.

Since living a world where covid 19 is a thing again, and being so used to isolation that suddenly I came to prefer it, I’ve not only not moved much from my chair but also been comfort eating and its time to get back up and move that A..

Because if I don’t who knows where I will be in 10 years.

Ill let you in on a secret, I’ve tried to do this the last few months, but got used to telling myself “tomorrow I’ll start, I promise” and another day passed of being comfortable and content.

The time Ive been really proud of my achievements, wasn’t when I was happy, it was when I was fulled with anger or pain, that it became my biggest motivator and I created new things, new opportunities.

This site of mine I created in pain, my most watched videos on you tube was created in anger or pain.

That was my biggest motivator, and some part of me miss anger or pain, because it has for some weird reason always made me feel more alive, more brave more seen, and more myself.

Im not an angry person, I dont take my anger out on the world, or others. I take it in, feel it and end up creating things. It gives me energy.

But why cant I do it when im happy or content.

How can I get out of this standstill without anger or pain being the reason?

How can I get used to being more disciplined and actually work towards my dreams and a future I can be proud of?

Not that watching Netflix is a bad thing or gaming, or sitting in my chair, though too much of it, is.

In the past when I was creating things it did leave me tired yes, but also the feeling of being fulfilled and having accomplished something.

I know that fear is also a reason, and that’s why I live in this bubble of being content. I am on a lvl trying to avoid like I used to any future pain and setback.

But avoiding things you have no idea what will bring just because of fear is a bad thing, you are at the same time closing yourself of from any good things coming your way aswell, and that is why feeling content to me is a bad thing, and also so hard to get out of.

Ive come a long way since my past, but I still have a long way to go, and the gaming gods help me, I will not be in a standstill forever, so its time to get uncomfortable and live by the saying don’t think just do, and be a little afraid again.

Sometimes its good to take a step back and take a break and live in a bubble of content to heal from the past, but its also a necessary to know when to lift the bubble and venture out into the scary world and try new things again, even when you don’t want to.

How am I going to do this

Well one step at a time, a little uncomfort every day until it no longer is but just the new norm.

Also if I am going to start creating things again, I have to let myself be a little afraid of the new, and just dive in, because its better then being in a standstill.

Ill let you know how it goes, if continued silence from my part then you know im still in my standstil.

Over the last few months ive had to delve a little deeper into what I really want to do, but been too afraid to start and thats why ive been too comfortably isolating, but now its enough

Its time to shine!

Have you ever felt being content was a bad thing for you?

How did you get out of it?

Have an amazing day or evening, MissFaylyn out, until next time.

Its good to be back 😉