Day 2 – continuation from day 1
I woke up again having a nightmare about him, my ex, I still can’t get used to that word.
Instead of my love, my boyfriend, my friend, my hunny bunny.
My ex just feels like such a bad word and doesn’t even come close to how I feel about him.
I try not to think about what happened. I try to do what I was used to spending my days on before, my creativity, playing world of warcraft, talking to my friends, but I just feel so empty and sad.
I’m still in shock of what happened. It still feels like a bad dream I’m just waiting to wake up from.
I keep wanting to write him how my day was like or the usual hey love what you up to today?
And then I remember, I just lost him, he is no longer in my life, the person I would talk to and write with every day, play online games with and watch Netflix with.
And I just feel empty.
My friends have been amazing, asking how I am, and if there is anything they can do, I tell them I’ll be fine, I know I’ll be fine, it will just take time.
I forgot to eat again today but I managed to push down some pasta and meat.
I wish I was better at eating, but I don’t feel hungry at all, and even my favourite foods have no flavour or taste to it.
I do feel proud at least that I haven’t been tempted to write him again.
Its hard not to, but I know its only going to hurt more If I do write him. I won’t get the answers or the outcome I wish would happen, and I know that its not really what I want either.
Its just I hate admitting it to myself, but I really miss him. I know I shouldn’t be, he broke my heart and I should be angry and just move on, but I’m not angry just sad. Today I’m sad.
Its 2 o clock at night now, and today I’ve mostly just been sat there in my chair not really feeling in the mood for anything.
I did manage to play a little bit, but I got no work done.
I did manage to stream a little bit again, even though I didn’t think I would be in the mood for it but one of my friends I haven’t talked to in ages came on discord and I decided to do some fun runs with my friends and stream it.
And we did have fun, but at the end of the key, I felt more drained from todays emotions.
I feel overwhelmed by it all still, and I know it will take a lot of time to recover, but I really wish it didn’t, I wish I could just fast forward to a few months ahead.
I have to keep reminding myself that it will be okay again, I will feel better and what I feel now will change with time.
But yeah not going to lie it does suck still, feeling heartbroken and losing someone you love.
And I’m already sick at crying, it comes in waves, one moment I’m fine the next I start crying again, I’m dreading falling asleep again tonight, I really dont wanna dream again, but hopefully tomorrow will be a little bit better.
I do feel very lucky that I have my amazing friends, they have all been so supportive, I hope he has that too, if he is feeling heartbroken at all, but yeah I promised I wouldn’t think to much about him, so sunshine, unicorns, friends, lalalala, yep that helps a little…
Day 3 will continue tomorrow…
Missfaylyn 