Its been a while since I’ve been writing
It wasn’t really because I didn’t want to write just wasn’t in the right head space to put anything down on paper.
My thoughts all jumbled up.
I’m going to start explaining my time in March
I got back from England in February, and in march we had a lock down in Denmark because of corona.
Because of the way I live I don’t really go out much so I’ve been pretty much quarantining myself, but also not going out and the world changing around you, can make you feel a sense of despair and worry for the world.
I started playing World of Warcraft again, new patch was out and I’ve been trying to get a lot more competitive, but with being competitive there is also a lot of pressure all the time to do well, and when you do mistakes that isn’t always easy to handle.
When I make mistakes, I beat myself up a lot, and I don’t know always to turn it around to not feel so shitty about it.
Its been so bad that I’ve been in tears most days because I messed up, and my confidence in game has dropped, so I make more mistakes, and end up fearing doing the hard stuff.
I’m in a mythic guild and they where progressing a really hard boss where you are singled out when you make a mistake. There is a lot of pressure to do well, because if you don’t perfect this mechanic you are causing a wipe, where 20 people have to do the fight again, and again for 2 hours.
I didn’t do great at the boss, and I ended up being the laughing stock of my guild and my friends. It was expected of me to do badly, so I did again. I felt like I couldn’t do it, I wanted to, but the harder I tried to force it, the worse I failed.
This one night it was so bad, and I had streamed all of it, I was so angry that my raid leader had showed this clip where I fell of the edge to a big time streamer on twitch that I kind of idolized and watching the big guy laughing at my mistake, sent me into tears and just making me want to quit.
Instead I did something else I never expected I would do in the past. In the past I would have quit and given up, I would have felt miserable for months, this time around, I decide to compile all my failures of clips I had on my stream and make a video of it on you tube.
I turned my failures into something funny, and instead of feeling bad I owned it instead.
Yeah, I suck at in game football on Xanesh Mythic in world of warcraft so what 😊 and instead of beating myself up, I ended up feeling really proud of that video I made.
Sometimes things come easy to you, but sometimes it takes a little longer, instead of beating myself up about it, turn it into something else.
The biggest thing for me is to not give up on something that’s hard but keep at it, until I grow and one day excel at what I do.
But its also important you feel good about what you are doing.
If you aren’t, take a step back and try again later, but don’t ever give up.
I have big dreams, and I will fail a lot at trying to achieve them, but for this little experience I had on Xanesh it has made me realize the time of me giving up on my dreams are long past me, I will keep moving forward, stumble from time to time, fall down, but I will always get back up and move forward.
To everyone out there reading this, if you have a bad time, feeling embarrassed of your performance, and feel like you aren’t doing well at something that’s important, don’t give up.
Turn the bad feelings into something else.
Own your mistakes, but also praise yourself for the good you did do.
One day you will get better at it, but if you give up, you will never get there.
For me I find it so easy to always worry about what everyone thinks of me, and when I feel I disappoint people around me who are relying on me to do well, I don’t take that well.
For me its about learning that if I enjoy what I do, keep at it, and just practice, practice, and more practice.
I always forget that every mistake you do, you learn from, and its not very likely you will repeat them again. So, you still learn something.
The more I look back at my own Game play, the more I realize how much I have moved forward, to being the player I want to be. Back in the day that dream was so far away, but I see now that it doesn’t feel so impossible to reach anymore, just takes a little more work.
It’s not the biggest post I will write today, but I do plan to write more about what else I’ve been up to in the next couple of days
I think I just needed the time, to put my thoughts and feeling out on paper.
Cya till next time 🙂 Have a nice evening, and don’t give up on your dreams, keep at it even if you fall, get back up.
Missfaylyn 