Being on Welfare. Feeling restless today

I’ve been feeling restless today, and that happens a lot with me, when I don’t have a lot to do.

I’m on welfare and have been since I was 21. I’m not in the normal welfare system as most, I’m in box number 2 as the state calls it.

What is box number 2?

Let’s start with box number one.

If you are between jobs, or school, and you haven’t been able to find any you get into box number one, and its up to you to find a job. You get welfare, but it’s your responsibility to look around. Keep your job application updated, and sometimes the state will help you put you into a job.

As the state sees you, you are ready to work.

Box number 2, is the box where the state doesn’t see you as ready for work yet, either because of health issues or mental health issues, they will try to help you with a mentor, and what you need in order to get back into box number 1. After a few years they evaluate you again at a big meeting, to see which box you belong in.

Box number 3 is the box where you are working towards retiring early, because of either severe mental health issues or health issues. It’s the box where the system has tried everything but has given up.

That’s how I got it explained from my social worker.

I had been close to get into box 3 for years, I had to fight to stay out of it. Because of my past working a normal job or going to school has been a big challenge, I’ve been sent out to work or try school for years, but I got send home sick a lot.

I got told by my doctor 2 years ago, that looking at my history, he doesn’t think I can work a normal job ever, and a few of the people I worked with from the state, mentors and psychiatrists told me I should think about retiring. So, go from box 2 to box 3.

I’ve always been adamant to work though my issues and get back into having a normal job again or finish a degree at the university.

So, every time there was talk about box 3, I said a firm no, not interested.

I have hope.

I have hope for being able to work normally one day and get out of the system. Being able to support myself.

Being at home, makes you feel restless a lot, and I’ve tried in these last years to work on myself, educate myself, reading books, watching ted talks or lectures I find on the web.

I’ve had to do a lot of self care.

There isn’t a moment where I’m not working on something or on myself.

Now I’m working with my mentor on finding a place I can work, for a few hours, but its been a rough time these last few months, so my energy level hasn’t been up there. So, we are working on the smaller things, like going out a little more.

I’m bad at leaving the house, because when I’m in a space with a lot of people I feel drained, and I spent a lot of time recuperating from it after.

I’m still not sure if this comes from being an HSP or my past or both.

So, what do I spend most of my time on at home?

When I’m not playing games, I either write, or watch videos that teaches me something new.

The last few months I’ve had a passion for reading about human behavioral psychology and for learning how to edit and make videos for you tube.

I started this blog as well and been spending some time looking into how websites work, and how to customize them.

When I’m not trying to find new things to learn I work on the state of mind I’m in. My stress level mostly.

If I’m stressed its harder for me falling a sleep at night because I keep thinking.

Its my main priority, keeping myself in balance. To work on my sleep pattern, and to pick myself up if I’m having a rough day.

For years I was demoralized being in the system, and my own self worth was low. I felt ashamed of being in the system, and felt it was an impossible job to get out of it, I felt stuck and overwhelmed. I felt like if you are in the system you aren’t good enough as a person, because you are dependent on someone taking care of you, and I felt guilty every day I went to buy something at the grocery shop.

Now I see it as a place where I heal and its on me helping myself to get out of it.

There is a lot of ways you can contribute to the society you live in, and it doesn’t all have to be from working a job. I try to work on that.

Its often talked badly about if you are on welfare, and that’s been a hard pill to swallow as well. When you meet a new person and they ask the question.

So, what do you do?

I have always hated that question.

It sounds like what you work with is what defines you as a person. That its important how you earn your money, and what you spend your time on.

I still don’t know what to answer.

I’m not as shame ridden about being on welfare as I used to be, because I know that I always tried to get out there.

I get praised from my social workers in always being cooperate, and open to new ideas from them and they all know I work on myself a lot when I’m at home.

I think if you are in the welfare system the most important thing you can do for yourself is, not feel demoralized by it, everyone has some sort of setback in their lives at some point, and its nothing to be ashamed of.

Use that time to heal and pick yourself up, use it to reflect on yourself on how to get back on your feet again.

Keep working on learning new things and keep up the work on yourself.

And especially if you have days where you are bored and restless, find a project to work on or learn a new skill. That’s how you keep the days going, but also feel pride in what you do with all the spare time.

I feel pride and joy from the small things I learn, a small thing is better then doing nothing.

I wrote about all the things I’ve learned from gaming in my blog post about World of Warcraft.

I developed better social skills and learned a new language.

Before I was placed in welfare I didn’t have as many skills as I do today, and its all on me, I taught myself all of it, well with the work of the internet 😀

So yes I’m on welfare, but I still have hope that in a few years ill be able to pull myself out of it, and take pride in being able to support myself, until then I do everything I can to better myself as a person, and keep my head up high, and most importantly have something I’m proud of.

Now it’s my twitch steam, and my blog.

So why am I feeling restless today?

I’m in between projects and Ive been wracking my brain and what to work on.

Working on my blog is one of my projects, but there are many hours in a day so I need something else. I’m also streaming a lot of my games on twitch and I want to stream a lot more, question is at the moment is what to stream.

I normally stream playing the game World of Warcraft but we are still waiting for the new patch to come out, so been thinking about picking another game up and put some time and effort into that.

Feeling restless is the worst and that just comes from having a lot of spare time on your hands, but I’m sure I figure something out at the end of the day.

I got to keep moving forward, that’s one of my mantras at the moment, doing something is better then doing nothing, even if its just how to learn how to knit.

Anyway readers I hope you have a nice evening.

see you all tomorrow